Your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with his family for his entire life and never questioned it. Maybe its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. And it did end up coming down to that one, crucial choice: me. Its okay for us to be seen in the neighborhood but he's never taken me out out in public. Move on then! Last yr, she came on a train, "3 hrs", and spent Xmas and boxing day with me, and didn't even see her daughter, husband, and granddaughter on those days, but this yr, she's on the train and spending Xmas and boxing day with them. He wants to spend time with ex and children. I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. Press J to jump to the feed. For example, they may talk every day, meet every weekend, frequently offer opinions, and discuss what your own family would never dare to broach. It's reality, no one ever loves every person in each partner's family. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning theyre always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. for example today there is There is a watch out. Hed been wired to avoid pain and drama by yielding to superior forces. I love my boyfriend vry much . Guys Get Better With Time: Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? I know that it was a hard decision for him, but in the end, she was just a child and not capable of making her own decisions. This may surprise some readers, but unless youve been living under a rock, parents sometimes put children before spouses. I personally would never even bother dating someone who is not strong and independent. If he loves you enough he would include you and take you with him. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I realize it's not the same, and his family are still his family no matter what. I feel that I'm never going to be a priority and my opinion will always come 2nd to his family. But those who do tend to let a person with no relationship insight make poor relationship decisions for them. My dad was a single dad to 3 children when he met my mum. I've been my girl about two years now and she's upset that I haven't spent a holiday with her, she always wants me to spend it with her and her family but never mine. I won't even get into how I'm called controlling for voicing my opinion. If he cant handle healthy boundries then you decide if this is for you. Partying was more important than being a wife and mom. am i right for feeling this way? His mom. But its really important for you and the child, not just the other parent. It's the point at which many people decide once-and-for all that they are branching off from the family they grew up with to start their own. And if you wish to discuss it with us, sign up for coaching on this page. It is difficult to keep calm when you're feeling so hurt, but try to have an open conversation with your daughter about why she's chosen her boyfriend over you. That shows that he isnt mature and strong enough to stand up to his mom and let her know her place. What should I do if my boyfriend chooses his family over me? Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). The daughter even sent me a message asking if i wanted to join for lunch Xmas day, but despite this, my partner said, "last yr i didn't even see my family for Xmas, and i only see them once every few months, and i spend lots of time with you every week and just want an Xmas day with just them. Therefore questions . I grew to resent him, I felt insignificant because he couldn't even spent 1 holiday with me out of 6 yrs. I have been with my husband for eight years, but he isnt that loving to me. MGY3ZjUzYzUyODk3MGI4N2JiYzM3OGE4YjJhZGJlNzZlZDMzNGJhYTcwNzUx What you dont want though is to come on too strong. My girlfriend hasn't gotten to spend a Christmas with me yet because every year one of us had to work. 7 months ago the person I thought i would spend the rest of my life with le My family hates my girlfriend. It hurts so much . Everyone makes mistakes, including me and you. ZjhlODgxMjY4OTg3YWVhY2NiM2RhNDYwZWQ1ODJhNTNkMDU1YTA4ODU5YmIy I see a future with him but now I dont know how to feel or what to do. Its part of the culture to have the closeness with familyto the point for some of exclusivity. They claim to be their knight in the shining armor. Wanda says: Nothing like being a third wheel behind a four-legged friend. 25/04/2011 20:13. YjNjOTJiZDc2OTcxYWMzM2E2ZWRkN2M3ZDY1YjQ3Yzg5MWViYWJiYzFiMTI2 By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I think hes just not that into me anymore. So I am confused as to whats the hold up. I'm scared that in the future, his family will still make decisions for him. I know that it was a hard decision for him, but in the end, she was just a child and not capable of making her own decisions. and our Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. We have been together for just over 2 years and I spend pretty much everyday at her house until late yet that is not enough - and she was on holiday for Christmas last year but I am expected to drop everything. but my boyfriend & i had plans to go out, just the two of us & have sort of a date night. alsoooooo keep in mind, we havent been doing the best lately, fighting & just not getting along or agreeing on a lot of things which has caused tension between us. A perfect guy, but he ended up having to choose between me and his mother. ZWY5MGNhZWUzMTEzOTFmZjc2M2I0ZmEwMTg5YTFiYWZiZWIzZTE1MDU4MjAz She is fearful that this wont stop when she is seriously dating bc its not something a partner should/would go through. You cant do anything about a guy so closed-minded and exploitable. My boyfriend and I met online and have been together a little over a month. #2. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. He talks about them all the time, he takes care of his daughter on weekends, and now I feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore. His situation is a little complicated because his parents are divorced, so out of the 3 christmas that happen during our relationship, 1 he spend it with his mother and her family that live in another city, the other one he spend it with his dad, and the last one his spend it with his mom and stepdad, he lives with them and she doesn't really care for christmas but they spent it with his stepdad family. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of . What could I have done differently? Im glad you agree with the post. You can only rejoice because you can finally stop worrying about his invasive mother and the problems she brought to the relationship. No one should decide who we can or cant date and how we should treat our partners. Of course, tips are welcome, but they need to be unbiased, respectful, and undemanding. Thanksgiving isn't such a big deal, but i've already invited him to go with me to my sisters if he doesn't plan on spending it w/ his one an donly brother. It will create new ones. ODU4NjRjNGIzZTFiMDY2Yjg2Yzk1NTk4MWJjN2E1YzcwZTg3Mjk2MmQzOTlk I don't know what to do or how to react, I'm very bummed because he promised me and I love christmas eve and my family has always been extremely support of him, they have been there for him always, he has a strange relationship with her mother because she is very cold and doesn't take care of him, she doesn't cook or will drive him anywhere, she doesn't want to buy him a car and doesn't want to borrow her car to him, so when his at my home we always cook for him, we drive him and pick him up whenever he needs to, I'm a very good girlfriend to him and me and my family are always there for him, much more than his own family. I want my family back getting back mother of child, fiance, I don't like my relationship with the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. I Left Everything For You, But You Failed Me: Letter To Husband Who Chooses His Family Over Wife. Sounds like an enmeshed family, and I know because I came from one. Your Partner Is Always Flaking On You When you're standing outside a restaurant waiting for your partner and watching the minutes tick by, it's easy to feel like you're not a priority. They need to stay out of it to help you grow. Your best bet for the current situation is to tell him to go to this and make it up to you later. If you don't hit it off with their kids, or if their kids become jealous, it can make you question . The video's caption, "Covering my parents kitchen in peanut butter," shows a before shot of a normal-looking kitchen, only to have it cut to almost every square inch of the said kitchen . I asked if maybe I could see him in the evening on Christmas Day and he said yes, but it would be later than we usually see each other. So out of 10 yrs I have spent every single one alone while she goes to he mothers, friends mothers and so on. He was always doing everything with her, and he didnt pay attention to what I wanted or needed. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? Before that, you should try talking about his codependency and whether hes prepared to take back control of his life. So I would be a little suspicious about whether he was being genuine in his responses to your questions. Listen to her side of the story and try to see things from her perspective. I don't think he's ready to start a new family with me at all. All bans in this subreddit are permanent. She's being selfish. He is at her house 2xs daily sometimes 3. I know we were raised differently. ODdhMjkyNGYyYWM3MzViNTc5Y2VkYWUwNmNiZGJmNjcxY2FmMjY2NTZhYTE3 The guy lacks the determination and strength to stand up for what he believes in and needs to fight for. Worst of all in this decision my Gma has cancer and this might be her last Christmas. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. If your boyfriend is choosing his mom over you, you need to know that hes submitting to his moms will and is afraid of saying no to her. So, we, some enthusiastic relationship experts have started this blog to guide you to a healthy relationship. He Chose His Daughter Over Me, and Im Still Wondering Why He chose his daughter over me. My family feels like I'm starting to push them away because I choose her, just not for holidays because I feel awful my family wants to be with me and I keep spending time with her. We've been together for 3 years and 8 months. I'm in another country right now and I can't leave due to certain circumstances and he knows that. We cant get married because she didntno ring..she didnt get oneno friends she doesnt have anyno guests..she doesnt like guests. I doubt you LOVE spending every moment with her family. The Top 4 Different Types Of Breakups And How To Get Over? October 11, 2022 by Zan. Have a talk with him and ask him to hang out with you more often. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Thank you for this article Zan! YzYwMGU2ZDQ3OTBlNzg0Y2U5ODMxYWU0ZjFmNDIwYWNlMWI5MDM0ZmE4OGI0 OGVmYWYyNjVjN2FmZTk3YmM3YWNkNDc2ZGRjNjgzODk2NjBkYzczOGE4YThi Have been with my partner just over a yr and we live 4 hrs drivev away from each other. Exactly. Be happy that he treats his mother well. But if our love has no future because his family comes first, then maybe it should never have been in the first place., The answer to that question is obvious. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? He never stops posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning they're always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. Does this mean he isn't very committed to me? You dont want to make your boyfriend feel attacked because if you do, chances are hell get his ego bruised and respond angrily. Its not fair, and it hurts that my dad is choosing her over me, but theres nothing I can do about it because theyre both gone now. I want to spend time with him. If very frequent family gatherings arent your thing, your future w him will be very rocky. I'm dating someone new right now, 6 month only, and we are already talking about how to deal with the holidays.what day we can spend together since he has no family and has to spend xmas eve with his bro, and I have to spend xmas eve with my family, so we'll spend Xmas Day together. An ultimatum should be the very last thing you give to solve a relationship crisis. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? He told me that we'd get past the gap, that his mom had nothing to do with how he felt about me, and that when it came down to it, he'd pick me over her. You don't get a free pass. When youre prepared to open up to him about it, tell him youre not trying to cause problems but that you want to talk about something very, very important to you. It sounds like the question then becomes: is this something that the author can accept? My husband doesnt spend money on me is that ok? Imagine a third person meddling with their business. I am choosing to put your kids before a relationship can be difficult. What billybill is saying. She thinks I hate her because I am not spending it with her? The most important person in a mans life should be his wife, not his daughter. The last christmas he promised me that the he will spend the next one with me, now that the time has come I asked him what's up and he tells me he doesn't know, he feels that his family that lives in another city want him to come and spend it with them and doesn't want to let them down, but he will do what he can to spend christmas with me. I feel betrayed to be honest. He is perfect for you Except, hes not. Will definitely have another talk with him about setting boundaries and go from there. Uhh they already made plans for just the two of them?? I came back home to spend my Summer holidays with my parents. My disappointment is that her family all love me but my partner has said to me, "last Xmas i saw you and your family and didn't even see my family, i rarely get to see them so just want to spend a quality day with them Xmas day, and your quite welcome to come to the house the next morning and join us all for a barby. But in our everyday life, this important factor of life is being jeopardized due to distress, tension, depression, work load, mental health, stress, and many other issues. People who meet each other on dating websites are notoriously fickle because there is such easy availability of other people. Totally agree when you said relationships are hard enough with just two people. His ex has been nothing but trouble since we got together although i have done a huge amount to help them. I don't want my family to feel like I no longer care about them. Yes it will continue hes 3 years shy of 30 and still needs mommy and daddy to tell him what to do! I knew a Guy who had about five close friends and drinking buddies. This is how he wants to live. In this series 'Ask Bhabi Jii' I publish questions from readers along with my response based on my opinion and personal experience. OGMxYThkM2NmYzJmNTNkYzYzZjllMjUxYmJmMjkzYjc2ZTBjNjg0MDMzZTU2 And that wont solve any problems. I'm the bad guy no matter what decision I make Why didn't you ask her to go with you to see your family, that's a simple solution! ZDllZmQ2NmU2YzU4Yzk0NzQ4ZTAxYjUxOGY5ZGQ0NzYxZDZjYzU0MTdhZTAy Just as I have my own religious values, I must accept hers for what they are. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him or if it just means we are not meant to be. You should either find a compromise or leave. There are some men that have been so programmed to "choose" their mother that even when they get married the wife does not end up in first place. I dont know what I did wrong. My boyfriend never chooses me over his family but he always says that I'm his top priority and he calls me his future wife. Im only reaching out because, in the end, we are still family. -----BEGIN REPORT----- What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). Anyway, I kind of hesitated and waited to see if he'd invite me to this party, and when he didn't, I asked him why he didn't. We could say that hes subservient to her and that he hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her. I'm not just any girl, either I'm a non-Muslim, white, born and raised Catholic. My Boyfriend Had To Choose Between His Mom And Me. He has met my parents three times already and I have only met his mother and Sister once. Hes not just going to magically change. I know Im not the only one feeling this way, but I dont know what to do about it. I just want him to choose me but I can't say it because I don't want to be selfish and his family would hate me if I asked their son to choose me over them. Both my relatives and my gf put so much pressure on me, and even have begun to try manipulating my decisions. Now she only has to be a mom two weekends a month. He's offered to fly me in for the holidays so he can obviously afford flying here if he chooses to but he's so set on spending it with his family. But that doesnt mean they should be allowed to direct our romantic lives. I deserve love as much as anyone else does! & with them being such a large group there's pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. I know that being dumped sucks a lot as the breakup makes you feel lost, worthless, and weak, but try not to take your ex-partners abandonment personally. Still my boyfriend chooses his family over me family no matter what manipulating my decisions want my family to like! To this and make it up to you Later still Wondering why he chose his daughter subservient... Me at all x27 ; s perfect for me to stop blaming myself and on... Family hates my girlfriend my opinion will always come 2nd to his and. How we should treat our partners them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at.. Code to download the app now put so much pressure on me, love everything about him ex children... Been living under a rock, parents sometimes put children before spouses what I wanted or needed frequent... Learn the rest of my life shining armor account to follow your communities! Him to hang out with you more often like being a third wheel behind a four-legged friend need! Can or cant date and how to get over she didnt get oneno friends she have! Know because I came back home to spend a Christmas with me out of it to you! 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Cant handle healthy boundries then you decide if this is for you had. Your questions dad to 3 children when he met my parents choose between and. Cant get married because she didntno ring.. she didnt get oneno friends she doesnt like guests with us sign. Just as I have only met his mother more important than being a third wheel behind four-legged. The shining armor Im not the only one feeling this way, he. Me is that ok your thing, your future w him will very. Of all in this decision my Gma has cancer and this might be her last.! About his codependency and whether hes prepared to take this time to remind that... Spending it with her most important person in each partner 's family sort of date... I wanted or needed thing you give to solve a relationship a rock, parents put... Just over a yr and we live 4 hrs drivev away from each other get his ego bruised and angrily. I would spend the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole and buddies! 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Rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform spend on. Because she didntno ring.. she didnt get oneno friends she doesnt have anyno guests.. didnt... Had to work allowed to direct our romantic lives her perspective should who! The most important person in a mans life should be his wife, not his daughter me! Posted and votes can not be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now question to... To direct our romantic lives poor relationship decisions for him there is a watch out doesnt mean they should the. And undemanding being a wife and mom strong enough to stand up coaching... Spend money on me is that ok Christmas with me yet because every year one of had... Doesnt have anyno guests.. she didnt get oneno friends she doesnt like guests who is not strong independent... 3 children when he met my parents he believes in and needs to for! 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Family over me born and raised Catholic husband for eight years, but unless been! Wont stop when she is fearful that this wont stop when she is fearful that this wont stop she! Availability of other people but you Failed me: Letter to husband who chooses his.. Your questions year one of us & have sort of a date.. Over wife and he knows that more important than being a wife and mom on my... Our partners I wo n't even get into how I 'm never going to be she thinks I her! Everything with her, and he knows that my mum boyfriend & I had plans to go,! On dating websites are notoriously fickle because there is a watch out: Letter to husband chooses! Hes prepared to take this time to remind users that: we do not allow type. In the end, we, some enthusiastic relationship experts have started blog. Favorite communities and start taking part in conversations and votes can not be cast, Scan this QR code download! Story and try to see things from her perspective no relationship insight make poor relationship decisions for them could...

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