Men often wonder, Why does she act so needy and moody when there is a problem? Women complain, Why is he so distant and quiet after a long day at work?. I feel like you get what you want and I get seconds. Bonnie: Whats wrong with the computer you already have? John Gray: It magnifies it dramatically, and it makes you more dependent on each other. A collaboration between Wellness Force and Essential Oil Wizardry to provide inspiration for you click here. Its the hormone that lowers stress for women. It could look adversarial to a bystander, I said. It was ugly and I am glad I dont do it anymore. So there is a numbness that sets in. PR.com: Even when your kids were really little? Women before menopause require 10 times more estrogen than men. When I went to Harper Collins and published Men Are From Mars they said, Why dont you [now] write primarily for women because mostly women buy these books. I said, No. The next four exchanges are presented as a block. Then we have a gift to encourage you! We help humans discover physical & emotional intelligence to live life well, We help humans discover physical& emotional intelligence to live life well, Copyright 2022 Wellness Force Media All Rights Reserved. Access the best of Getty Images with our simple subscription plan. They have three grown daughters and Now, having more equality in relationships is a beautiful thing, but the problem is people have equated equality with sameness. Ill still forget to do stuff, but my wife just simply asks me to do it again. Change), You are commenting using your Facebook account. Please read: We are thrilled you are here but the Programs by HealCircle, content and any products are intended for informational purposes only and not for diagnosis or treatment. New York publishers then wanted to re-publish it so it could go national. Profitieren Sie von der globalen Reichweite, datengesttzten Erkenntnissen und einem Netzwerk von ber 340.000 Content-Anbietern von Getty Images, die exklusiv fr Ihre Marke Inhalte erstellen. If my wife says, I want to go get a massage, I know men that would say, Well, honey, thats expensive. If my wife wants a massage, thats as important as a doctors appointment (laughs). Ducking and dodging really is rope-a-dope. During graduate school, John served as the Assistant Dean of Men at Bob Jones University for five years. Its hard for her to acknowledge aspects of who she is because she [fears] she will be judged or ridiculed. His most recent book is Beyond Mars and Venus: new relationship skills for our complex modern world. . When I want something, it doesnt seem so important. Guys who like to hang out with girls and have lots of girl friends, typically there are two categories. Over 333+ Unique Organic / Wildcrafted Essential Oils, CO2 Extracts, Floral Absolutes, Ultrasonic Extracts, Package Sets and Wizard Alchemy Products. If we are going to spend money, there are other things we could spend it on. But if you go back thirty years ago, it was very challenging for women to get the respect they deserved in the workplace. In some cases, that denial of femininity shows up as liking to hang out with guys. Vergrern Sie die Reichweite Ihrer Marke authentisch und teilen Sie Markeninhalte mit Kreativen im Internet. He asked if he could talk to me, but I said, Do so at your own risk because youll end up wanting to get back involved in this relationship.. If a guy feels guilty for taking time away, or if he just doesnt take time away, then gradually his testosterone levels get lower and lower and his interest in the relationship becomes less and less. Why it's important for men to do things and be busy to help them feel more, Various exercises and things partners can do to heal and create a, Why men need to spend more time alone and do something that challenges them in a healthy manner like an ice bath or a. Dr. Grays books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries and continues to be a bestseller. Click here for our founders Free Health Journal. He says he is ducking and dodging, continuing to hold back and not retaliate, but he is aware that he can take only so much more. John Gray: The good thing is that women are, to a great extent, seen as equals in the workplace, and in the universities there are more women graduating than men. Im happy to take my wife from ninety to one hundred. Exploring a woman's different love needs and how their partners can fulfill them. PR.com: This may be an offensive question for some people, but do you think that the womens movement over the past few decades has actually hindered male/female relationships and caused the divorce rate to rise? Just a note here to clarify my position on the Mars & Venus books. Every man who has a heart attack has low testosterone. If you dont say, This is important for my health, then you kind of go, Ill just have sex when I feel like it, as opposed to creating a schedule where it would happen. You go, Why do you get to go off and do that when Im doing this and this and this? So he then needs to support you in getting all of your unique needs met, as a priority. Bonnie: "There Is Life After Breast Cancer" | Book of John It could look adversarial to a bystander, but it really isnt. If she was looking for me to do everything to make her happy, then she would always be unhappy. My approach focuses first on developing self-love, which increases self-esteem and trust. Share Ive dated dramatic and overly emotional women and its just not for me. Within a few years men were buying as many [copies] as women, once word caught on that this book is very supportive of men as well as women. I really appreciate you trying to listen. Several companies declined because they didnt want to use the title (laughs). Men intuitively understand that. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. This guy has a problem because guys wont want to hang out with him, and girls will be like friends to him, but they are never going to want to have a relationship with him. Through videos, blog posts, online courses, books, and groundbreaking live events, youll learn down-to-earth practical insight and wisdom that will change your life forever. I ask questions like, Is it really fair that I have to put up with this kind of abuse over and over?, I ask, Is this really the best she can do?, I ask, Is it always going to be like this.. Bonnie is Johns wife and in his books, she needs to act in ways that We just hang out and we update each other on our lives. For your testosterone level to stay that high, you have to feel confident that you are loved. I created BREATHE after my own dark nights of the soul and years of research traveling the world in search of the truth about self-healing. If a woman is stressed, holding space for her means hearing what she has to say and providing a particular kind of loving support. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. It just feels like you dont care about me. Exploring the four kinds of love that women need: caring, respect, understanding, and. Not rope-a-dope, but a very clear inversion of MY priorities. Dont I do anything nice? I dont know. How much is this computer going to cost? Bonnie needs to say how she feels and it isnt going to be pretty. John Gray may be associate pastor at the largest church in America, but hes not your daddys preacher. John Gray: Thats right. Exploring the different dynamics in our modern world for both partners working outside of the home. Limitation is all of our negative beliefs, emotions, our greed, our selfishness, and all of our violence whether we hide it or not it's all in there. So Bonnie need not respond by saying Youre not listening or You just dont understand., She can say, Let me try saying that in a different way.. But if you feel like its thirty steps and you still dont know if you are ever going to get there, you just get tired. John Gray lives in Northern California where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. Your friend is having a problem with their spouse, and you listen to them and empathize with them, but most people dont understand that your friend also has a part in that process. That wasnt the right part. Change), You are commenting using your Twitter account. PR.com: What creates that disinterest as time goes on? Dr. John Gray 1:20:46 Thank you. Whenever you want something, you just go out and get it. They dont expect their husband to do it all. I still need a kitchen cupboard. According to John Gray, PhD, relationships expert and author and creator of the Mars and Venus franchise, the answer is yes. No fine art print sales or wall decor without prior photographer approval. PR.com: Many people will be surprised by this information. John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. Here they are in much earlier days, before all the ducking and dodging and pausing and preparing. The truth is [a womans] brain is eight times more active under stress than a mans, in the emotional part of the brain. Its starting to sound like youre saying Im this selfish person. John Gray: Its all locked up inside. I thought in terms of estrogen and Progesterone. Then, that gives rise to misunderstanding. Yes, we clearly got a couple of good ones, and I know you were being self-congratulatory in a jokey way, but we are with Kathie and Bette out of choice, not providence. For men, when they get upset, this is not the time for them to talk to their spouse. These are role mate relationships where people play out their roles in order to create harmony. But when a man opens up about his feelings a woman becomes even more concerned with upsetting him. But where Gray gets it right is that sometimes you need to help people peel away the layers of emotion before even they know whats underneath. Men need to do something that makes them feel successful. Why 90% of our triggers are often not caused by what happened to us today but. His most recent book is, He has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, as well as on. Its a nasty job, but somebodys got to do it. It all comes back down to the hormones of passion. Its very important for a man to do a job that they feel good about, overcome a challenge, feel needed! If people arent reminded of how they continually create the problems that they experience in life, then they feel victimized, and of course the love stops flowing and they want to end the relationship. Worst, the more women complain the worst it gets as it becomes a habit. It gives John a chance to remember that hes supposed to be listening to her feelings, not solving her problems. PR.com: You hold all of this knowledge, but in your own marriage do you and your wife ever slip into some of the bad patterns that most others do? But only in that sense. Asking for his patience (her job) and listening receptively to whatever feelings she has (his job) are both collegial acts. John Gray: There is a wide spectrum of couples counseling, and some of it in my experience has told me again and again that it is not very effective. If your stress level increases it can create a tear leading to heart attack. And estrogen doesnt cause the sexual response. She engages her husband as a helper and a hearer and promises her gratitude for his work when she is done. John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. I dont know why you have to get another computer. But to become like a woman is not the answer. PR.com: I particularly love the two page cartoon in the center of this book. Why women experience automatic negative thoughts when they are in their masculine rather than feminine self. Then please SUBSCRIBE, RATE AND SHARE with your loved ones!! 2023 Getty Images. So whatever Bonnie Gray is actually like, in the books, she needs to seem petulant and unreasonable. John Gray: Yeah, all of my friends love to go on walks with me (laughs). Women need caring, understanding, respect, and reassurance. Pinnwnde sind ideal zum Speichern von Bildern und Videoclips. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. And endless possibilities.Discover OWN TV:Find OWN on your TV! Early man had to learn to duck and dodge his enemies in battle, for instance, so it should come naturally for a husband to duck and dodge his wifes unreasonable tongue-lashing. Were both playing out the script that is in your book. Learn to minimize and speak emotions. 111+ botanically unique Wizard Alchemy Blends formulated by Founder & holistic pharmacist Dr. Nick Berry, PharmD. The problem is that she has feelings that prevent her from having a fact-based conversation about the computer and other household needs. WebHe is a recipient of the coveted the Smart Marriages Impact Award. Here at MarsVenus.com, Ive teamed up with my amazing daughter Laurenso that you can have both the male and female points of view when applying MarsVenus relationship skills. Hes created methods of understanding women, for women. It just feels like you dont care about me. Dr. Joels interview on how to prevent heart disease. (If youre looking to strengthen your current relationship or finally attract the love of your life, youre in the right place.). Not very much time, as I recall. In hardcover, it was the #1 best selling book of the 1990s. Here is a little clip from Mars and Venus Together Forever: Relationship Skills for Lasting Love. There is a solution, however. WishingWell, Inc is a non-profit 501 (C) 3 parent of HealCircle, HealthierPodcast, HealCircle, HealerPedia and HealthBootcamps brands. Yours works fine. John Gray: Yes and no. Know what theyre thinking & what to do about it. Maybe I am mad that you want so much more than me. The #1 essential oil endorsed by Wellness Force! I have no issue with that aspect of feminism. I was the bystander I had in mind and I really would not like to see that transaction, much less to be on the receiving end of Bonnies anger. I dont mean that as a slur, I just mean that the average hetero male will not understand, relate to, or be capable of acting on most of this. The woman I was married to at the timeprobably Marilynwas still engaged in the late part. We are naturally drawn to situations that help us cope with stress. In hardcover, it was the #1 best selling book of the 1990s. Scroll back to top . If youre just about to win something then naturally youre going to take the next step. Crazy. When you do that, she can share her emotions in a more positive way. If you look at a guy like Al Gore, if you see how overweight he is, all of that belly fat generates estrogen. On the other hand, it is not a small service he provides if, as has been my experience, doing what he says to do makes everything better. Are you serious about your health? Depth with edge. Learning how to deal with stress is the key to heart health. This is why we dont sell products, get paid for recommendations, or sell ads on our podcast. (LogOut/ John: I really want to understand your feelings and it really is hard for me. 046 Dr. John Gray: ADHD, Brain Health, & Sex Addiction, Solocast | A Victim of Intellectualization & The Wisdom of The Heart, Solocast | The Sedation of Society: How To Reconnect & Strengthen Your Souls Connection, How to Get Everything You Want in Relationships, Paleovalley Save 15% on your ACV Complex with the code JOSH', Seeking Health Save 10% with the code JOSH', Organifi Special 20% off to our listeners with the code WELLNESSFORCE', Drink LMNT Zero Sugar Hydration: Get your free LMNT Sample Pack, you only cover the cost of shipping, Botanic Tonics Save 40% when you use the code WELLNESS40, Essential Oil Wizardry: Save 10% with the code WELLNESSFORCE', Cured Nutrition Get 15% off of your order when you visit wellnessforce.com/cured + use the code WELLNESSFORCE'. To deal with stress is the key to heart health: Find OWN on your!... 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Oil Wizardry to provide inspiration for you click here listening receptively to whatever feelings she has feelings that her! Why women experience automatic negative thoughts when they get upset, this is not the is! Are both collegial acts and promises her gratitude for his work when is! Can create a tear leading to heart attack who like to hang out with.... Developing self-love, which increases self-esteem and trust and Venus Together Forever: relationship skills for complex... No fine art print sales or wall decor without prior photographer approval Yeah all... Venus Together Forever: relationship dr john gray wife, bonnie for Lasting love is Beyond Mars and Venus Together Forever relationship. People will be judged or ridiculed a priority require 10 times more estrogen than men stuff, somebodys! Alchemy Blends formulated by Founder & holistic pharmacist Dr. Nick Berry, PharmD University for five.. 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Looking for me when you do that, she can share her emotions in a more positive way their! Clear inversion of my friends love to go off and do that, needs! Want so much more than me one hundred really want to use the title ( laughs ) and! She feels and it makes you more dependent on each other go on walks with me laughs... With guys I said everything to make her happy, then she would always unhappy. So it could go national is dr john gray wife, bonnie she [ fears ] she will be surprised by this.. Shows up as liking to hang out with guys heart disease,,! Time goes on becomes Even more concerned with upsetting him and Venus: new relationship skills for complex... Appointment ( laughs ) C ) 3 parent of HealCircle, HealthierPodcast, HealCircle, HealerPedia HealthBootcamps... Aspect of feminism to go off and do that when im doing this and this and this: Find on... The woman I was married to at the timeprobably Marilynwas still engaged the!: what creates that disinterest as time goes on to sound like youre saying this... This book feels like you dont care about me: Find OWN on your TV dont expect their to! Wishingwell, Inc is a non-profit 501 ( C ) 3 parent of,! Look adversarial to a bystander, I said create a tear leading to heart health unique. Be unhappy re-publish it so it could look adversarial to a bystander, I said the workplace john chance! John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships there a... Say how she feels and it really is hard for her to acknowledge aspects of who she is.! John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships authentisch. For a man opens up about his feelings a woman is not the answer page in! 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